Happy Happy Birthday Birthday

Emil and Colin are THREE years old today! Three years ago we were sitting in church when we got a text that the boys' birthmother was heading in for a C-section. On our way to California a few weeks ago, Brian and I took a moment as we passed through Scipio to remember that it was the spot where we found out the boys had been born. (Funny thing - Bridget was also born on a Sunday.) Emil and Colin being in our family is most definitely a full-blown miracle. And now I have almost completely forgotten what it was like before we got them.

Photo by Emmanuelle Maxwell

With each of our children, I've sought out a moment when I knew they were ours. There are so many competing emotions during the adoption placement. I didn't want to take away anything from Bridget's birthmother or the boys' birthmother, so I was pretty guarded when I met Bridget and Colin since their birthmothers were still in the room the first time I saw them. Emil was in the NICU when I met him. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was my boy. The feeling was overwhelming and I let myself feel it because I could that time without hurting anyone else. Brian met Emil before I did and I know they have a special connection as well. While Emil was in the hospital for the first week of his life, Brian made sure to be there for feedings and diaper changes. There was never a question in Brian's mind - he was Emil's Dad.

Just in the last few months, Emil has really started talking a lot. He gets frustrated by the limitations of his body and his ability to communicate. It's like he's secretly a grown man and he hates it when someone else tries to pour milk on his cereal or peel his orange or open a can with a can opener. Emil insists on helping me with everything. When it's time for lunch, he gets all the stuff for sandwiches on the counter for me. If we're having macaroni and cheese, he has to be the one to pour the macaroni into the saucepan. For the most part, Emil learns from his mistakes. he used to turn the box of macaroni over so fast that macaroni went everywhere. Now he pours it slowly and carefully. A few nights ago he knocked the Christmas tree over and broke ornaments. He stayed in his room and when we came in later he said, "Sorry." 

Emil loves to sing - he often asks me for certain songs by saying his favorite line from the song or doing the actions that go with the song. It's not easy for people to win him over completely. I think I'm the only person he kisses on the lips. :) Everyone else gets his forehead. Sometimes Emil will come to me after he's been scolded, holding his blankie and needing to be held for a minute. When he and Colin aren't wrestling, Emil can be very solicitous of his brother. "Okay, Cahnen?" Emil never ever shares, but he will take turns sometimes. He loves rough-housing and tickling ("deeka-deeka-deeka"). He eats like a champion. Emil has been really healthy this year, now that I think about it. Very few asthma problems. Every time we're out and about, Emil will hold my hand no matter what. He probably thinks he's protecting me instead of the other way around. :) My hero.

Photo by Emmanuelle Maxwell

My bonding moment with Colin was when the nurses let me do a kangaroo hold with him in the hospital. He was (is) very fidgety, but as soon as he laid his head on me, he let out a big sigh and held perfectly still. I could feel how much he loved me and that he knew I was his Mom. He has always been such a lover. Colin kisses everyone! At bedtime and nap time he has to give everyone who is home a hug and kiss. Including Mo. (That's so funny to me. Emil will head-butt Colin if I take him to their room first and Colin will kiss the top of Emil's head if I take Colin out first. They're going to see each other in 30 seconds! They're taking a nap in the same room! So much love.) When the boys were still on bottles, Brian was always the one to feed Colin and take him up to bed. Colin would always look intently at Brian, even when he was refusing to drink his bottle. Every single morning Colin runs into our room and stage-whispers, "WHERE DADDY?" 

Colin says fewer words than Emil, but he knows how to get what he wants/needs. He loves playing with Bridget, so he's learned how to follow some of the rules (Bridget is all about rules:)). Lately they play a lot of hide-and-seek. Colin covers his eyes and calls out random numbers, "Fie! ONE! Tree! TEN! Ready?" Once when they were playing he hid exactly behind Bridget as she counted and when she popped up to go look for him he was left crouching in the open. She went to a couple of different rooms before she came back and saw him. He laughed and laughed. Colin loves to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He and Emil start every day with this argument:

Colin: "Mickey?"

Emil: "No Mickey."

Colin: "MICKEY."

Emil: "No Mickey."

It goes on longer than you could imagine. It's so funny that sometimes I start it. Ha! Like I mentioned, Colin is good at playing games and he seeks out play with other children. He usually shares and he always takes turns. The other day we went to Bridget's school to watch her class sing Christmas songs. Every time the boys see a handicap door opener button they race each other to push it first, then they fight to the death. Every time. As we came close to the door button at the grade school Emil took off to push it first. Colin started to wiggle out of my grasp, then he stopped and said, "Mo's turn." I swear I heard a heavenly choir sing. (Of course Mo forgot all about giving Colin a turn on the way out, but baby steps.) 

Colin will give anyone he loves a kiss on the lips. Their nursery leaders are a wonderful couple - the husband is a very big man who looks like he could snap most people like a twig. On Sunday the boys said goodbye and Colin gave that huge man a kiss on the lips. If Colin loves you, you're getting a kiss. :)

Next month the boys will be separated for the first time because Emil is going to preschool and Colin isn't. I'm sad for them, but I think it will be good. It's only a few hours a week. They're becoming big boys. As hard as it is to have them with me everywhere I go (they've seen all their birthday and Christmas presents already because I put them in the cart right behind where they're sitting), I will miss having them all to myself.

Staff Meeting

Two weeks!  And now I'm going to be posting without pictures.  I've been busy planning Easter and trying to keep the boys outside.  (I'm going to WIN this year.)  And I got food poisoning.  That took up some time.  Anyway...

Everybody has their stuff, right?  Sometimes it's hard to know what to say to people who have different Stuff than you have.  I get that.  I'm going to share a couple of stories just in case you're sitting around wondering how to talk to that nice-enough woman who has never been pregnant, but has three children.

First, I was in the library last week.  I've started letting the boys go in there not strapped in a stroller.  It's hilarious.  Colin runs full speed to a shelf and grabs as many books as he can hold, then runs them back to the book drop slot.  Emil stands on the stool by the drinking fountain and takes a quick shower.  Since we were actually trying to get some books last week and the boys were starting to close doors on people, I went back out to the car and got the stroller and put them in it.  Whew!  (I had to catch them first.)  Bridget and I were finally standing in line to get our books when a woman I haven't seen for about six years came over and said hello.  I couldn't remember her name - we didn't know each other very well six years ago.  The boys were making a lot of noise and I told her about having to keep them strapped down at the library - hahaha.  She asked how many kids I have and I said three.  Then she said,

"Are they yours?"

I know what she was asking.  It's happened many many times before.  She wasn't trying to be rude - in fact, she was trying to be interested and nice.  I thought about it for the rest of the day (lucky I got food poisoning later that night so that I could have something else to think about).  Why didn't she just ask me if they're adopted?  Why can't I make someone uncomfortable for a second and just answer "yes" instead of being uncomfortable myself and explaining that they're adopted?  (I'm going to start saying yes.)  I worried as I thought what Bridget got from that exchange.  After I told this woman that the boys are adopted, she gestured to Bridget and said, "Well, I knew she was."  Yeesh.  

The second incident was just now.  Someone came up to me at the grocery store and asked if I remembered her.  I told her I was sorry, but I didn't.  I also haven't seen her in about six years.  She told me her name and that we used to be in the same ward at church.  She said she was so excited to see me with two little boys.  

"How did you get them?"  

See?  That is better.  That is a question I can answer.  They're adopted!  I'm proud of it!  I'm happy for me!  If my high school English teacher taught me anything, she taught me to ask clear questions.  And answer what is asked.  

It's true that infertility is a can of worms (a big one) for every person that has to deal with it.  For me, it's 99.9% better because I get to be a mom even though I can't get pregnant.  That's not true for all women, so if you're in doubt and you're curious about that infertile woman walking around with some little kids, stay curious. Find something else to talk about and maybe it will come up naturally.  There are worse things than staying curious.  Just ask Alice in Wonderland.

I should add that I don't need to hear anything bad (or good, really) about the first woman.  I know for a fact she meant well.  I'm a perfectly secure person, no need to skewer her.  In the last several weeks and in many conversations it's dawned on me a little that I (and people in my situation) might be tricky to talk to.  Who knew?  It's very hard to offend me (take that, Anonymous Commenters!)  I hope that people feel free to ask me questions - especially if they are trying to understand someone else in their life or if they're going through infertility or possibly adopting themselves.  I'm not thinking about it all the time, that's why I'm not talking about it all the time.  

That's all.  Sorry no pictures. :)

We Love to See the Temple

Last Saturday, July 9th, we went to the temple with our three children to be sealed.  It was a big deal.  I'm about to go overboard with photos and words because we want to have this in our 2011 blog book.  You've been warned.

We've known for six months that we would get to go to the temple with our little family.  That's one of the perks of adoption - we get to see in real life what everyone else only gets to imagine.  We arrived at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple about an hour early and settled the kids in the Youth Center.  I told Bridget that "The Grandmas" would be taking care of her and the boys, but I didn't know about all the awesome toys in the youth center.  Each of our kids had their own grandma, too.  (Brian and I were both pretty emotional all morning.  He claims I was talking too much to the women taking care of the kids.  What?  They needed to know where the diapers were and who was going to be wearing what.)  Brian and I went into a little office where a woman looked over our paperwork (the final adoption decree and the family group sheet) and filled out some stuff.  She also handed us a letter from the temple president and his wife (President and Sister Brown).  We were touched that they took the time to congratulate us.  (We were the biggest thing happening at the temple last Saturday.  Sealing babies to their parents isn't an every day thing and twins to boot!  Plus we had a beautiful little girl with us.)

Brian and I both had someone helping us the entire time.  I love that about the temple!  No wondering where to go for more than a few seconds.  Just like when we were sealed to Bridget in Salt Lake, the workers at Mt. Timpanogos treated us like a bride and groom.  Brian finally told the old man helping him that I'm not his bride - that we've been married for almost 15 years.  "She's still your bride." :)

While everyone got comfortable in the sealing room, Brian and I were in the crowded Celestial Room waiting.  (I couldn't help thinking about the differences between this sealing and Bridget's.  We were sealed to Bridget in the Salt Lake Temple on January 4, 2007.  I think we chose the least busy day in that temple ever.)  We came into the sealing room and sat down on the little couch where the bride and groom usually sit.  It was so nice to see members of our family, our mission president and his wife, and Kellie there.  (Kellie and her family stayed the night at our house Friday and she was our pack mule all day Saturday.  Plus she got a beautiful poem stuck in my head.  Feelings of friendship!)

Finally, our kids were brought into the sealing room. We saw Bridget first in her white dress and Brian and I started to cry.  Emil and Colin were in white as well and the sight of them about did me in.  It's exactly as I imagine heaven to be and the living image of the picture I've kept in my head for a lot of years.  That picture is what got me through the rough years of infertility and what makes any temporal sacrifice worthwhile. 

Then the little temple grandma handed Colin to Grandma Peggy and he started to scream.  Bloody murder, actually.  It was pretty hilarious.  Denise held Emil and Mom held Colin while Brother Cardon performed the sealing, which was just a few words.  I had to look at Brother Cardon to know if he was talking because once Emil got across from Colin and discovered that they were crying, there was no hearing anything else.  They had our little family look in the mirrors, which was a treat for us.  Then we got to hug everyone and hand the babies and Bridget back to the grandmas to wait in the youth center until we'd changed our clothes.

I sat in the bride's room, dressed and ready to walk out with the groom at the same time, I guess.  The brides (all the people getting married last Saturday looked 15 years-old) were all too nervous for any chit-chat with the likes of me.  We picked up the kids in the youth center and went into the lobby.  Mom and Kellie were talking to a woman named Charlotte.  There were eight kids in my first grade class and Kellie, Charlotte and I are three of them.  What are the odds of us being in the same place at the same time without planning it?!  Crazy.  We walked out (after my Dad had his moment of celebrity walking out ahead of us) and got a few pictures.

Bridget needed a moment with her Grandpa during all this commotion.

Then it was off to The Bench for a few photos with everyone who had come.  (Except President and Sister Paulson, who left to meet their daughter before we could take a picture of them.)

This is the face of a woman who just had a baby! 

Front row: Claire, Melissa, Nicole holding Emil, Brian holding Colin, Bridget, Makenzie, and Kellie  Back row: Hal, Debbie, Rob, Jeff, Denise, Harold, Robert, Peggy, Bishop Barrus, Cami Barrus, and David

I like that you can see the whole temple in this one.

I tried to stay in the shade with Emil while we waited for stuff.  Emil had the white blanket Grandma Shirley made for Bridget and Colin had the blanket my parents brought home from Bethlehem.

I think this is where Bridget really got tired.  How about a high-five for that $15 dress from Costco?! 

Can you see our family and friends clustered under the tree in the background?  Ha!  It was hot.

Then it was time for some chicken at the park!  Thanks to Shannon and Melissa for all of the photos in this post.  Major love feelings for you both and all the pretty shots you got.

You've never seen a more tired baby. 

Cousin Claire and Gabriel

Aunt Claire holding Ian

Hal, Nate, and Debbie

Am I really that much shorter than Kellie?

Whew!  I started this post with all the kids in bed and now one of them is down for a nap, one needs breakfast, and one is freaking out.  I think it's time to go back to life.  I wish there were better words to say thank you to everyone who supported us on our big days.  We love you!  We love that we know you.  Thank you.

The Family

Tomorrow is our big day!  I'm pretty emotional.  Stuff that I was hoping to accomplish by tomorrow probably isn't going to happen.  BUT!  We did everything we have to in order to go to the temple with our children tomorrow.  In the end, that's all that matters.  Literally.

The Daddy and the Mama

We had to wake up pretty early in the morning to clean ourselves up, but we did it.  For so many years our family pictures were really just pictures of the two of us and when our lovely photographer suggested we take photos of just us it made me laugh a little.  Our kids are the stars of our show now - Brian and I are just trying not to be gross.  I'm glad we got this shot, though. :)

Three Angels

I totally cried when I saw these for the first time.  My three little angels!

Love

We had our first family photo session with the babies last week.  There are so many beautiful ones that I'm going to post one every day this week.  It's a big week for us - next Saturday we get to go to the temple as a family to be sealed.  To say we've been looking forward to it is an understatement.  I'm indulging in some love feelings for my sweet little family.

Adopting Our Twins: Finale

Where was I?!  Ah, yes - we said good-bye to Bridget and Brian's parents on December 28th and stayed one more night at the Ronald McDonald House in Tucson.  The next day we waited until 5:00 pm to hear if anything was amiss with our adoption application at the Arizona ICPC and no one called, so we headed to Kingman.  Our thought was that we would get halfway home (Kingman), but still be in Arizona just in case something happened with our application.

We were told by the doctors not to let the babies stay in their car seats for longer than two hours and the drive to Kingman was a little over six hours.  Our first stop was a Wendy's parking lot where we took turns eating and then feeding and changing a baby.  (We were in Brian's brother's van - his parents took our Subaru back to Utah.)  For the next two hours I sat in the very back seat with my arms stretched over the middle seat holding binkies in some very angry baby mouths.  We got to Kingman very very late and just as we flopped into bed wearing our clothes, the babies were ready for another feeding.  I think it's fair to say that we had no idea what the word "exhausted" actually meant before going through this experience. 

The next morning, Thursday the 30th, started out fine.  We were lazy and watching TV - planning to stay in the room all day except to maybe get food.  The phone rang at about noon, the Tucson lawyer's assistant calling to tell us we needed to comply with the Adam Walsh Child Protective Act by having an FBI fingerprint background check.  Our up-to-date FBI background screening on file in Utah was not enough, they needed our fingerprints.  We were not to go home or even cross the state line before the Arizona ICPC had it and we were told it could take four weeks.  For the next four hours, Brian and I took turns calling every person we knew who had any experience with adoption.  We had to take turns because we were also taking turns losing our cool.  I lost mine when an Arizona government employee told me that they wouldn't give us our fingerprint cards so that we could hand deliver them to the FBI offices (Arizona only releases fingerprint cards to agencies, not individuals).  The state of Utah would give us our fingerprint cards, but we couldn't cross the state line with the babies.

BAH.

The last call we made was to my friend Andrea's parents in Page Arizona.  I've never been more embarrassed to ask for anything, but we couldn't figure out a way around it.  We needed them to meet us in Fredonia, Arizona, then take me back to Page with the babies and stay at their house for who-knows-how-long.  Can you imagine?!  A person you barely know asking to stay at your house with two brand new babies and can you pick her up two hours away on New Year's Day?  (And why Fredonia?  Because it's seven miles from Kanab, Utah, where we were going to jail one at a time to get our fingerprints.)  The amazing part is that Lois and Mike didn't hesitate - they just said yes.  And they said it in a way that I knew they were happy to help. 

Friday, December 31, we left Kingman and drove back into the heart of Arizona (Flagstaff) then up to Jacob Lake at the north edge of the Grand Canyon.  It was New Year's Eve.  We watched a marathon of Pawn Stars on the History Channel, complete with commercials.  (Now I can't go a week without watching that show.  It's like a whack-job version of Antiques Roadshow.)  Our plan went beautifully the next morning and Brian headed back home with our fingerprint cards while I went to Page.  (Can you believe there was someone in Kanab who could get our fingerprints done for us on New Year's Day?  What are the odds...)

I blogged from Page - it really was a baby honeymoon.  Lois and Mike fed me and held babies and fed babies.  I could do my laundry and I even got to take a nap once a day.  Andrea's sister brought me Dr. Pepper and found binkies for the babies.  It couldn't have been better.  Brian was home with Bridget and going to work again.  He handed in our fingerprint cards to the local FBI screening office, but he had to guess which screening to have them do since NO ONE WOULD TELL US EXACTLY WHAT THEY NEEDED FROM US and also, no one had ever heard of the Adam Walsh Child Protective Screening.

Brian guessed wrong on the screening they needed, but the ICPC guy in Arizona (who had been following our situation and trying pretty hard to help us get home) granted us a conditional release if we could get the correct screening and email him a receipt.  (Of course we had to pay for both screenings.  When we'd been home for a few weeks I got two traffic violations from Tucson and our cell phone bill from December in the mail on the same day.  Those three items combined added up to $1200.  Got us again, Arizona!)  After a week in Page, Lois and Mike drove me and we met Brian halfway.  It was after 10:00 pm when we got home and I came downstairs just as Grandma Peggy and Bridget were finishing watching "Annie."  We stayed up even later so that we could finally open our Christmas presents.

It was a strange and emotional journey - one I'm sure we'll be re-living every year when we talk about how Emil and Colin came into our family.  This is a word-y post, but I didn't take many pictures during that last week in Arizona.  It was one of those life-altering experiences.  We felt the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  Adoption is not for sissies. 

Cute And Fun To Be With

We decided it was time for a new family photo to put in our adoption profile. Of course we update our photos often on the LDS Family Services website, but our hard copy profile has a two year old picture on it. Yes, that means we've been in the books for more than 18 months now. The wait (and the weight) is pretty heavy at this point. It's reminding me what a miracle it is that we have Bridget.

My friend, Shannon, came out of retirement and spent hours making sure we had the shots we wanted. Look how cute Bridget was for her. When we were looking at the pictures later Bridget asked where Shannon was. :)

We often have people ask us if we've heard anything or if anything is happening with our second adoption. The answer is that we've heard nothing and it certainly seems as though nothing is happening. Thanks for thinking of us and praying for us. :)

If You Like Us, Check The Blog

You may have noticed the link to our adoption profile under my family picture. LDS Family Services is in the process of updating this website to make it more accessible and user-friendly. I am up early this morning because I needed a moment to read through the four page document (single spaced) they e-mailed us that explains what we need to do to get ourselves on this new website. The first step is remembering a user name and password they created for us over a year ago.

I will find out my user name and password, but before I do, I will appeal to all ten of you. As you may know, we adopted Bridget in 2006. We have been "in the books" at LDSFS for a second adoption since December 2007. It doesn't feel like it's taking too long and no one is freaking out, I just want to make sure everyone I can talk to "personally" knows we're out there. On the advice of our case worker, I created an adoption blog. It's pretty boring, but it has information and pictures specifically for birth mothers.

In the coming months, if you hear that someone is looking for an adoptive couple, please think of us. If you're close enough to the situation and feel comfortable, please direct the birth mother (or birth father) to LDSFS or our adoption blog or this blog. She (or he) can look at any of these websites anonymously and without the fear of being pressured in one direction or another.

We're probably opening ourselves up to more con artists (yes, I said "more"), but we're willing to go there if it means finding Bridget's little brother or sister. Also, we're done doing any medical procedures.

Meeting adjourned! :)