November and December Book Report 2014

It's shameful. I know. I'm currently reading interesting stuff, but my speed is way down since about the middle of November. I binge-watched two full seasons of "The Mindy Project" and I'm still binging on "Finding Your Roots," which is a little like a book. I'm definitely learning a lot from that show. "The Mindy Project" is just for laughs. I'll be back on track in January 2015! Go team.

1. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling

We were about to leave Melissa and Jeff's house after a fantastic Thanksgiving and I needed something to listen to during the 10 hour car ride. Something that was not The Winds of War by Herman Wouk, which is what I'd tried to listen to on the way to Arizona. Vacation Reads are kind of like Beach Reads for me. I couldn't bear heavy, serious stuff at that moment. Melissa suggested Mindy Kaling's book, so I hurried and downloaded it from Audible before we left their house. I laughed a lot during Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Mindy is smart, a graduate of Dartmouth (which makes Dr. Prentiss from "The Mindy Project" even funnier to me - I suspect he is a real person). She has the perfect combination of nerdiness and girliness. I completely get her sense of humor. We would be friends in real life. :)

I listened to this a while ago, but one of the essays that sticks out is her take on one night stands. They're gross and scary. Testify! Obviously (right?) my life is nowhere near a one night stand, but I've often wondered what possible appeal they would have to anyone ever. Mindy expressed the same sensibility and she is close enough to that lifestyle to at least hear stories from girlfriends.

Mindy Kaling is a pretty rare bird - female, Indian, chubby (her word), and extremely successful. I like that she had the tenacity, ambition, education, and talent to make a life doing what she loves. She is definitely getting funnier and better at her job as she goes. It was fun to listen to her perspective and spot-on observations and laugh. Like I said, I get her. "The Mindy Project" can be pretty crude, so I wouldn't recommend it outright (especially not to my Mom and Dad), but if you are a girl born in the 1970s and you've rolled your eyes at least once during every romantic comedy you've ever seen, "The Mindy Project" is for you. Kellie! You'd like it. :)

2. As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales From the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes

See? I can only read candy right now. I was one of those people who watched "The Princess Bride" with my family and quoted it with my friends. I love that movie! It might be the perfect movie. After the 25 year reunion in 2012, Cary Elwes wrote this book. I guess he was asked what the movie has meant to him during a question-and-answer session and he didn't feel like he gave justice to how "The Princess Bride" has truly affected him. Elwes goes through the whole process - from the movie getting made, to him getting the part, to the production and release and aftermath. Elwes has a real talent for impressions. He did have most of the cast on the audiobook, too, but it was fun to hear him do a gravely voice for Andre the Giant and his impression of Rob Reiner was so close that I sometimes mistook him for the real Rob Reiner (who also did several readings on this audiobook).

I don't know if I came away with anything really new after reading this. There were some stories that were told from several perspectives when they didn't need to be. I enjoyed the stories about Andre the Giant. It sounds like the making of the movie was just a huge love fest. (Also, actors are so insecure! Almost everyone in the movie thought they were going to be replaced or didn't feel like everyone loved them or something at least once during production. Sheesh.) The synergy for "The Princess Bride" is very rare - the writer, the director, the actors, the setting, the story. Everything was just right. The love definitely comes out and that's probably why the movie has endured so well. I'll watch it differently from now on. Because of course I'll be introducing it to my kids. :)

3. Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

I know! It's not a book. My other two books are mostly TV and movie, too. Sigh. I just can't right now, okay?! This is a really good show and I think you should check it out. I want to be friends with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. I think we're family history kindred spirits. I absolutely love what he's teaching me about race and history. I already have a strong... testimony? that knowing your family history makes you a better person. We can feel the experiences and struggles of our ancestors in our spirits, I think. It's interesting to see how Mr. Gates's guests identify themselves and then for them to see where that feeling might be mirrored in their family history. I'm fascinated with all the DNA research as well. 

One of my favorite parts of "Finding Your Roots" is when they find the white ancestors of African Americans. The African Americans he's had on the show identify solely with their black ancestors. Every one of them has a white ancestor in there somewhere. In some cases the union is clearly involuntary, but in Mr. Gates's case, his white male ancestor married the African slave he bought and was thereafter shunned by white society. Remarkable. And Wanda Sykes's eighth great grandmother was a white indentured servant in Virginia in the 1600s who had a child with a black slave, so everyone who came after this white woman (Wanda called her the first white trash - ha!) was a free black person. The law said that whatever the mother was, the children were. If a mother was a slave, the children were slaves. Wanda's eighth great grandmother was an indentured servant, a free person, so all her children were free. History is so interesting!! There are many, many stories that are better than fiction. 

So! Watch it. It's a PBS show (I've linked to it in the beginning of this post).

Best and Worst of 2011

I love lists!  I'm a little late with this one, but I'm having trouble getting going so far in 2012.  Something about all that creativity and vacationing from my problems in December of 2011.  I should go back and look closer, but I won't.  This is mostly off the top of my head.

Best TV - Maybe it's because the second season starts on Sunday (PBS) and I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm going to give it to Downton Abbey.  I thought I was just getting into another "bonnet" movie, but it was so different and interesting and thought-provoking.  And beautiful!  It's created by Julian Fellows, the same man who did "Remains of the Day."  There are so many brilliant performances, but all you really need to know is Maggie Smith is in it.  Also, the first season takes place just before World War I.  The first scenes are the family's reaction to the Titanic sinking.  Amazing how just changing the time period to something we're not used to seeing made the whole story fresh.

Worst TV - This is tough.  I don't watch a show more than once if it's The Worst.  We got rid of a bunch of channels early in the year, so I didn't have the option of getting caught up in a Real Housewives of Crazytown marathon or any of the Kardashian nonsense.  (Man!  That family is THE WORST.  I so do not care about anything they do or say.  They should go away.)  I set my DVR to record the premiere of "Ringer" - a show that looked kind of promising.  It ended up being unintentionally hilarious and I quickly took it off the DVR schedule.  The tipping point for me was Sarah Michelle Gellar in a boat with herself, obviously filmed in a big water tank in a studio somewhere, going top speed with her hair not moving a muscle.  Then she took a nap (?) and when she woke up, on the boat, her "sister" was gone!  GONE!  And for some reason it was the funniest scene ever.  Missed again, Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Best Book I Read in 2011 - I usually read a lot.  (I plan to do more in 2012 because Brian gave me a Kindle Fire for my birthday.  Weee!)  I did not read a lot in 2011.  I did, however, read Bill Bryson's book "At Home" and LOVED it.  He details the history of each room in a typical home and how it has evolved over the last thousand or so years.  It was so much fun to learn where phrases like "room and board" came from.  (The host used to offer a room and an actual board to put on your lap so you could eat your dinner off it.)  The book also let me off the hook from making homemade bread if I don't feel like it.  Speaking of wheat, Bryson writes, "Somebody must first separate out the grain and grind it into meal, then convert the meal into flour, then mix that with other components like yeast and salt to make dough.  Then the dough must be kneaded to a particular consistency, and finally the resulting lump must be baked with precision and care.  The scope for failure in the last step alone is so great that in every society in which bread has featured, baking has been turned over to professionals from the earliest stages."  I love it!  Bryson tickles my funny bone.

Worst Thing I Read in 2011 - This is ongoing, actually.  Most of the flyers that come home from kindergarten with Bridget contain spelling errors.  Her teacher is doing a fantastic job and I love it and Bridget loves school.  If only someone spell checked these things!  They're not even real words - surely the computer underlined them.  Sigh. 

Best Wisdom from Bridget - She blows my mind almost every day, but one of my favorite things Bridget said last year was about one of her classmates who never gets "green tickets."  (When the kids do something good, they get a green ticket to go in a drawing for a dollar store prize at the end of the week.)  Being cheeky, I said this little girl must be naughty if she never gets a green ticket.  Bridget responded, "She's not naughty, she just makes bad choices."  Whoa.

Worst Diaper Blow Out - This is quite an accomplishment.  There were so many incidences to choose from and both Emil and Colin really made an effort in this category.  We can only have one winner, though, and that was Emil B.  I was parked in front of the house where Bridget takes swimming lessons and there was poop all over Emil's car seat, his clothes, his body...  I used an entire to-go package of wipes.  Once he was all cleaned up and I had them in the stroller to see the last five minutes of Bridget's lesson, I had to put him back in a poopy car seat that I couldn't quite get completely clean with no wet wipes.  The final insult was me driving away without my precious stroller that I cannot live without.  (Brian picked it up later in the day because I called him with an hysterical tone in my voice.  It was the straw that broke this camel's back, I tell you!)  So, Emil is the winner even though Colin had an epic blow out in the middle of the night and he had to take a bath, also in the middle of the night.  He should have known - public blow out beats blow out within walking distance of a tub every time.

Best Movie (Kid's Choice) - We discovered some fun stuff this year; "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs", "Megamind", "Tuck Everlasting" (I had to "accidentally" delete that one after so many viewings), Shreks 1-4 (sigh).  I asked Bridget what her favorite was and she said "How to Train Your Dragon."  It would be something different if I asked five minutes from now, but we'll go with that.  I wish I liked the voice of Hiccup (Jay Baruchel).  It sounds like he's imitating Christian Slater, who sounds like he's imitating Jack Nicholson.  No. Just... no.

Worst Movie (Kid's Choice) - I'm not even going to ask Bridget, it had to be "Despicable Me."  We saw it at the dollar theater and then rented it and both times Bridget paid NO attention to it.  Because it was boring and not funny, that's why.  The only parts that you'd even smile at were in the trailer.  So it could have been a two and a half minute movie.  Booo. 

Best Movie - Like I said, we mostly saw movies on DVD and we did see "True Grit" at the dollar theater (shout out - again), which I enjoyed.  I'm going to say it was "The Adjustment Bureau" because I didn't expect it to be good and it was!  I often think about what my life would be like if I'd taken a different path.  I don't wish I had taken a different path - I just think it would be interesting to see what it would look like.  And I think I've said it before, I'll watch anything with Matt Damon in it.  (Although, what was up with Fat Matt Damon most of last year?  It was the haircut!  Never have big hair, Matt Damon.)

Worst Movie - Tron:Legacy.  There, I said it.  No amount of 1980s nostalgia makes this movie good.  The Dude didn't make this movie good.  It was stupid, it was long, the main character ("actor" Garrett Hedlund) could have been played by an orange on a stick.  But the worst part was taking that movie back to Blockbuster (yes, we're the last people on earth who still use Blockbuster) and it was on all the TVs there.  AH!  I made small talk (or so I thought) with the kid ringing me up and sympathized with him that they had to watch Tron:Legacy all day.  Mistake.  He thought it was awesome and proceeded to explain the first Tron and then give me the low down on Tron:Legacy.  It's too late!  I've already seen it!!  And now I hate it even more.

I guess I know now why I don't do review posts very often anymore.  Three days!  But it's my favorite (that and smiling, of course).  Thanks for indulging me.

February 2010 Media Consumption - Champion Edition

Bridget has decided to be a figure skater.  (By the way, she just told me that her phone reminded her that it's time to eat ice cream.  It's a Barbie cell phone.  I'm not a bit surprised.  Barbie would be all about her friends eating ice cream and getting fatter than her.)  After watching the Olympics on TV for a few nights in a row, Bridget began asking if we could watch the ice skaters randomly during the day.  Since everything Bridget sees (mostly just her movies) on TV is an interactive experience, she would "skate" right along with the Olympians.  I asked if we should take pictures of her skating and she was more than happy to oblige:

 

She's good, right?  I know.  I actually labeled all those moves painstakingly and when I made the collage all the labels disappeared.  You win again, computer.

I've also been watching Oscar winning movies on TCM.  No commercials and a bunch of movies made before 1990?  Count me in.

My first film (I call them films now) was Kramer V. Kramer (1979) with Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep.  It's about a mother who decides that the best way out of her hum drum life is to take off (eh) one day and leave her six year-old boy to fend for himself with his self-involved dad.  WHAT?  I was determined to hate Meryl Streep's guts during this movie because I don't care how unfulfilled you are, you don't leave your six year-old kid. Most of the movie is spent on Hoffman's character (the dad) having experiences that help him discover that he was a huge bonehead.  He and his son, Billy, (kids in movies and TV are always Billy or Bobby) become a team.  After a year and a half without mom, they've got life down pretty well.  Then she shows up and wants him back.  Again... WHAT?  And guess what?  That pesky Meryl Streep made me cry again!  I may not have agreed with her character but I felt for her.  Well done, all.

Next was Hannah and Her Sisters (1986), a Woody Allen film.  We follow Hannah... and her sisters in New York City (shocking) struggling in their self-indulgent existences.  Mia Farrow is Hannah and she's married to Michael Caine currently and Woody Allen formerly (their characters - I don't think Mia Farrow was ever married to Michael Caine in real life).  Barbara Hershey (don't get her at all - she talks like she's got a ventriloquist's dummy sitting on her knee all the time) is one of Hannah's sisters and Michael Caine wishes he was with Barbara instead of Mia.  Never.  Dianne Weist plays Hannah's other sister.  Before we started following them around, Dianne's character was a coke addict.  The funniest scenes in the movie are the ones with Weist and Woody Allen on the Worst Date of All Time.  Anyway, stuff happens and I laughed a few times, but I can't endure much of the talk about being in "analysis."  Fun fact, Dianne Weist and Sam Waterson went on a date during this movie.  Gag and shiver, right?!  (That was only fun for Law & Order fans.)

Then I watched Splendor in the Grass (1961) with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty.  It was the age old story of girl loves boy, boy's dad wants him to go to Yale instead of getting married to girl, boy hooks up with the Town Slut, girl is humiliated and cuts her hair, boy goes to Yale, girl goes to mental institution, blah blah blah.  You know the rest.  It was very melodramatic.  The movie was set in 1928, back when people were melodramatic in real life.  I did enjoy watching Wood and Beatty together, though.  I wish things had turned out differently in the movie so that they ended up together.  (Belated spoiler alert.  Whatever - this movie has been around for almost 50 years.  I can't be the first one to spill the beans.)  I also understand now all the hubbub about Warren Beatty.  I've only known him as the wrinkly old guy with the giant face.  Turns out he was very handsome, had a great voice and a "way" about him.  He reminds me of Brian.  And I could pass for Natalie Wood.  What?  Is it not okay to think you look like a famous person?

Last, but not least, Citizen Kane (1941).  I've heard many times that it is the greatest movie ever made.  I think it might be.  I was blown away.  The style was so different and ahead of it's time.  Everything I've heard about it is right.  Go to a place where videos are rented or sold and buy it or rent it and WATCH IT.

In other media consumption news, Oprah is out.  I finally figured out how to cancel my subscription to O Magazine, the magazine dedicated to solving all the problems that Oprah herself is experiencing.  In other words, it's full of gentle therapy and "medical" opinuendo.  A year ago I found myself reading exactly two of the pages (Suze Orman's column and the celebrity favorite books page - how pretentious is Jennifer Connolly picking Ulysses by James Joyce as one of her Top Five Favorite Books of All Time.  YEAH, RIGHT.) and wanting out.  O-U-T.  I thought, "A-ha!  I just won't renew my subscription and all will be well."  Next thing I knew, I got a note in the mail assuring me that there would be no interruption in my service since they went ahead and took payment for another year out of my credit card.  I was ready for her this time, I went online and read all the tiny tiny words that led me to the magical page where I could cancel my subscription.  We're done here, Oprah. Clean out your closet without me.  You're crazy.

I Wanna Be Sedated

In 2003 I was sick and in bed for several days - watching TV every hour of every day. One night a show started and for the first 15 minutes it was on I didn't breathe. Bah! What the heck?! It was '24' and it was insane. Remember Nina? EVIL. Also, remember a time before you knew that someone at CTU was rotten? Or when you couldn't pick out the guy in each episode who would be dead before the hour was up? Good times.


Brian and I have been loyal friends of '24' ever since. Except for maybe seasons three and four, which we watched on DVD in about five days. (Never do that.) For season five we decided to give Jack Bauer three hours to show us that he deserved our friendship. That turned out to be the best season of all thanks to some very simple things. First, great acting. Second, it was always President Logan behind everything and it was because he was evil. Done and done. (None of this it's-Jon-Voigt-wait-no-it's-other-evil-guys nonsense.) On the one hand, yay that we have a fun show we want to watch together (I can't convert Brian to Project Runway no matter how hard I try). On the other hand, now we know how great '24' can be and it will never ever measure up again.

This season we're back at CTU, this time in New York and underground, somehow. Not so hard to find for a redneck looking for his old girlfriend who has changed her name and her appearance, but whatever. We'll get back to that. I like that we got to see Jack with his cute granddaughter and that the show didn't put her in danger (I vowed to turn off the TV and change the DVR schedule the second that little girl was chased by a cougar or a psycho). I'm glad Kim is in LA now and we won't have to see her for the next 20 hours. It's always nice to see Chloe and have her snark to her boss occasionally (I found a photo of Chloe from season five - remember that awful sweater we had to see all season?). I believe that Jack really doesn't want to be involved in this whole mess and that he truly doesn't care about the stuff he can't control anymore. I think that's interesting. Renee losing her marbles and coming back to work for CTU undercover, however, is NOT interesting. '24' is at it's best when we delve into the psyches of the main players, but Renee cutting off that guy's hand was just so far over the top... It was the fourth hour, for crying out loud. They didn't cut Chase's hand off until the last hour of season three or four. I can't remember because they are the same in my mind - watched them both in just a few days, remember. (Also, Jack killing a guy with an ax to the chest in hour two was a bit much.)
The worst thing so far about this season, though, is definitely Dana/Jenny Walsh (there is no Dana, ONLY ZOOL). I booed her the moment she showed up - sleeveless mini-dress in a government office? Oh, I don't think so. Perfectly styled hair over one shoulder? Nope. None of that helped the fact that she looks like she could be a dude. And the redneck boyfriend who threatens to expose her past? WHO CARES?! That guy knows where she lives, where she works, her private cell phone number, and how to get to the underground entrance at CTU? Maybe he should be working at CTU instead of Dana. I don't buy that she should be scared of this guy. What could she possibly have done in the past that she doesn't want to come out so much that she lets a crazy ex-boyfriend stay at her house? Wait, I don't care.
We know there's a mole somewhere at CTU, right? I think it's that weasel-y guy who keeps hitting on Dana. (That would explain that, now wouldn't it.) Freddie Prinze, Jr. is okay as Agent Ortiz and The Guy Who Trusts Jack at CTU. You knew he wasn't getting killed in the first four hours...

In conclusion, I'm going to watch all season of '24' because I keep my commitments. There are terms (always) and they are:

1. Kim cannot come back and get into danger.

2. Kim's daughter cannot be in danger ever.

3. Tony cannot come back unless he is a good guy again.

That's not too much to ask.

Media Consumption: Fall 2009

1. Music

I thought everyone knew what Pandora was. No? It's a website where you type in a genre of music, an artist, a song, and Pandora will "open the box" and give you similar songs (or artists). So far my favorite stations have been Beauty and the Beast (I created it mostly for Bridget, but I ended up discovering some beautiful stuff), Franz Ferdinand (who knew I like The Strokes? Pandora, that's who), Enya (I needed to calm down one day and boy did this do the trick), and George Gershwin. Be warned, you only have 40 free hours per month. I guess that means I have been sewing for 40 hours in the last month.

If you do run out of free minutes, go to Grooveshark. It's also free, but you have to create your own playlist.

2. Books and Magazines

I love magazines. One of my many diseases (that and entering contests). On our trip to Bear Lake in August I picked up a copy of Vanity Fair because it had more words than pictures. (In contrast, I also bought a copy of In Style, which is all pictures. Booo.) It's very much a "New York" magazine, but even though I have nothing to do with New York City, I still found just about every article fascinating. There is real reporting in it! And the writing is good - I need my dictionary close by most of the time. The September issue (the one with Jacqueline Kennedy on the cover - did anyone else watch The Soup or The Amazing Race and see those bozos on The Amazing Race not recognizing a picture of Jacqueline Kennedy?) made me want to read Death of a President by William Manchester. It's out of print. But my search on Amazon (since I don't want to pay $50+ for a used copy of Manchester's book right now) led me to The Best Autobiography by an American Politician (according to smart people and also the lonely ones who write 10 page reviews of books on Amazon). Guess who wrote it? Ulysses S. Grant. I just ordered The Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant along with some Rowenta iron cleaner from Amazon.

3. TV

I've had to scale back my TV time. Toward the end of the summer Melissa alerted me that The West Wing was starting over on Bravo, playing two episodes a day at 6:00 and 7:00 in the morning. I set my DVR to stun... record and then Brian and I got lost in the fake world of President Bartlet and his White House staff. It's odd to me that they acknowledge former presidents like Lincoln and Eisenhower, but they never mention other former presidents starting at about Lyndon Johnson. In The West Wing's world, Farmer Hoggett is a former U.S. president, but Bill Clinton is not. Interesting. Anyway, the show has piqued my interest (again) in American politics and history. I'm convinced that I would also be C.J. Craig's bff if we ever met. They have a continuity problem that drives me crazy. Or maybe Bravo has a problem playing episodes out of order or not at all.

Speaking of politics, the only new show (in addition to my old faves) that I started watching this fall is The Good Wife - the one with Julianna Margulonglastname and Chris Noth. It's really just a courtroom drama, but the stories and the acting are quite good. And Logan from The Gilmore Girls is on it. And he's a weasel in this show as well. I'm starting to think he's a weasel in real life.

4. Internet

Sometimes I like to browse in etsy. There are plenty of strange things people are making, badly photographed strange things, etc. But! Every once in a while I find something so beautiful that I would never be able to make myself. Ever. Just a few examples:
Isn't that beautiful? And there are a dozen more equally beautiful things in that shop - M Stevenson Designs.

So so so pretty. I think they called this one a wedding scarf. The shop is called Victoria Jackman Knitted Textiles. She's from England - I'm guessing that's why her name is Victoria and also why she uses the word "textiles."

If you haven't been checking Akward Family Photos (link list on your left) at least once a week, you're denying yourself some good laughs. This is one of my favorites from the last week or so:
There is totally a raccoon in that picture. And acid-washed jeans. I'm laughing again and I just barely saw it 15 minutes ago.

So! There you go. I hope you feel encouraged to sit around and be entertained.

Media Consumption March-April: Movies

During our three months of free HBO we collected a strange assortment of movies, most of which we haven't watched yet. Some thoughts on the ones we did watch...

Joe Versus the Volcano (1990)
I hadn't seen this show in YEARS and I was excited to view it again to see if it was good or crappy. (Anyone who is wondering if The Pirate Movie is as good as they remember, it is not.) Joe (Tom Hanks) is a hypochondriac who works for a miserable company. The time and place are vague - it's more like a fable than reality. The setting forces you to forget about what could or could not happen and just get caught up in the story. Anyway, Joe has a doctor appointment on the day we meet him and the doctor tells him he has a "brain cloud" and therefore three months to live. That very night a rich old man comes to Joe's house and offers him an opportunity to go out in style. Joe can have anything and everything his heart desires for the next three months if he'll go to a remote island and sacrifice himself in the erupting volcano so that the islanders will continue to give the rich old guy something (I forget) that only grows on their island. Joe's dying anyway, right? And he hasn't really lived up to this point, right? Perfect. Meg Ryan plays the secretary at Joe's job and both daughters of the rich old guy. The prettiest version of Meg is the one who takes Joe, by boat, to the island. *Spoiler alert* Joe and Meg fall in love and Joe doesn't really have a brain cloud. Intrigued? You should be.

Quoteable
Joe's boss to the poor person on the other end of the phone, "I know he can GET the job, but can he DO the job." Pause. "I'm not arguing that with you!" Pause. "I know he can GET the job, but can he DO the job." Pause. "I'm not arguing that with you!" All day long. It's funny because it's not happening to me and because I had to listen to one-sided conversations eight hours a day in most of the jobs I had.

Everything is Illuminated (2005)
I've had the book by the same name on my To Read list for at least three years. Bah. I decided to just watch the movie instead. Elijah Wood plays a Jewish New Yorker, Jonathan Safran Foer, with cartoonishly large eyes (made larger with Coke-bottle glasses) who collects things. Wierd things. He keeps a fanny pack full of Zip-lock bags around his waist. When he finds something he needs for his collection, he pulls out the appropriate size bag, deposits the item, then pins it to his collection wall next to the picture of the person he got it from. For example, he takes his grandmother's false teeth after visiting her in the hospital. Jonathan's grandmother gives him a picture of his grandfather standing next to a pregnant young woman back in the Ukraine. Who is the woman? She's wearing the grasshopper pendant that Jonathan has in his collection. Jonathan has to know who this woman is because she isn't on any of his family group sheets.

Jonathan finds a Ukrainian family who take Jews on tours of the lands their ancestors lived in. Alex, a youngish man obsessed with American hip-hop culture, is his interpretor. Alex's grandfather is the driver. Grandpa thinks he's blind and that he needs a seeing-eye dog, a mut from the pound they named Sammy Davis Jr. Jr. The four of them (Jonathan, Alex, Grandpa, and Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.) go on a road trip through the Ukraine. ROAD TRIP!

Even though Grandpa gives Jews tours of their homelands, he doesn't particularly like them - saying rude things about them behind their backs and etc. Throughout the road trip we're given brief flashbacks of a horrific scene involving nazis lining Jews up for a firing squad and it appears Grandpa was involved somehow. The gang miraculously finds a woman living in a house completely surrounded by sunflowers. The woman recognizes Jonathan because he looks just like his grandfather and his grandfather was married to the woman's sister. Ah-ha! And that's where I'm going to stop describing the movie because it's worth it to find the rest out for yourself. There is a beautiful sentiment toward the end of the movie - that our ancestors are seeing the world through our eyes. Loved that.

Say Anything (1989)
I'd seen parts of this show, but never the whole thing in one sitting. Lloyd Dobler, a loser - on the surface - asks out the valedictorian, Diane Court, on the last day of school. They go to a graduation party together. The date was mostly successful and they decide to hang out some more. Hmmm. Describing this movie is going to make it sound boring and it isn't. I really enjoyed it. Who can resist a young John Cusack? Old John Cusack? Totally resistible. But this is before the shine of his frenetic energy wore off. Sure Ione Skye has a dumb name and her teeth appear to be too big for her mouth to contain them, but she's very charming. I found myself rooting for these two.

Quoteable
Lloyd to Diane's father when Diane's father asked Lloyd what he wants to do with his life: "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

U2 Rattle and Hum (1988)
There is a crazy channel we don't have anymore that shows classic music concerts and documentaries. I wasn't cool enough in 1988 to realize how cool U2 is. It took my always-cooler-than-me friends to introduce me to U2 when I was a senior in high school (1991-1992). The Joshua Tree, Rattle and Hum and Achtung Baby became the soundtrack to the next few years of my life. Watching this movie brought back a lot of great memories, but I saw something unexpected, too. The events were set up, but it was still fascinating to watch how the members of the band reacted. Passing a man on the street playing a harmonica, Edge slowed down and then stopped a respectful distance away to watch the man - really watch him. When they sing "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" with a Harlem gospel choir, the choir takes on a life of its own and U2 simply stops playing and watches them instead. The biggest band in the world stops playing to listen to a church choir. No wonder they've been around so long - they are slaves to the art they've chosen.

Must Love Dogs (2005)
Dumb. Cute Diane Lane and resistible John Cusack are totally blah. Worse, Captain Von Trapp and Rizzo embarrass themselves. The movie is all about Diane Lane using internet matchmaker sites to find a new boyfriend. In this movie's topsy-turvy world, the guy she meets on her own turns out to be a scummy jerk and the one she meets on the internet is a lovely human being. What a shocking surprise that the jerk is played by Dermot Mulroney. Toward the end of the movie Diane Lane pastes her face onto photos of women doing stuff like riding a bike and being a chef to create profiles on a bunch of different online dating services. Why? Every single man she runs into flirts with her. She doesn't need to lie about who she is. Besides that, the movie ends ten minutes later with her swimming across a lake to get to John Cusack so they can live happily ever after. None of it made any sense. I was embarrassed the whole time.

Media Consumption January - April: For the Kids

I have not been to a movie in at least four months, but I have seen some really good TV and some movie gems from my three months of free HBO. First, the kid stuff.

You may recall that Bridget watched "Enchanted" almost exclusively several months ago. We have successfully added "Bee Movie," "Babe," "Toy Story," and "Stuart Little" to her repertoire.

Bee Movie -
It's Jerry Seinfeld's humor all the way, so if you don't like that... you know what to do. The animation is mind-blowing. The story is strange, but really what cartoon story line isn't strange? Barry Benson Bee graduates from college and can't decide what job to take - a decision made more difficult by the fact that he keeps the job he picks for the rest of his life. He heads out on a pollen run with the Pollen Jocks instead of picking his job and he meets/is saved by human, Vanessa Bloom, a florist. Barry finds out about humans "stealing" honey from the bees, sues the human race, wins the lawsuit, all the flowers die, he and Vanessa steal a float at the Tournament of Roses, land an airplane together, save the world. See? Strange.

Tee Hee Hee:
Barry to Vanessa: "Why would you wear a ring on your toe? That's like putting a hat on your knee."

The Employment Specialist Bee, when asked what jobs are left: "Restroom attendant is always available. And not for the reason you think!" (I have no idea what that means, but it makes me laugh every time.)

One of the many jars of honey at the grocery store is a brand called "Ray Liotta Private Select." That is SO weird. And funny.

Ken, Vanessa's dumb boyfriend, (voiced by Patrick Warburton), has many classic lines, but I think my favorite is when he sees that Barry has set up a law practice inside Vanessa's flower shop: "THAT BEE IS LIVING MY LIFE!"

Adam, beeff, asks Barry if he's going to a funeral for a friend of theirs: "No I'm not going to his funeral! Everyone knows 'you sting someone, you die'! No need to waste it on a squirrel. What a hot head."

The Message?
Who knows what Bridget is getting from this show, but she does notice bees and especially Pollen Jocks when we're outside now. (Check out the Pollen Jock in one of our hyacinths!)

Babe -
One of my all-time favorite kid movies EVER. My sisters and I quote this show relentlessly since Aaron (pesky little brother) was a big fan of it when he was little. I can't figure out how they did it, but they make all the animals look so real (I guess some of them are) and the voices for each of the animals is spot on. A pig, Babe, comes to the Hoggett Farm where he manages to become a sheepdogpig.

Tee Hee Hee
Everything that Ferdinand the Duck says and does is hilarious.

Mrs. Hoggett to Farmer Hoggett: "What are you babbling on about?"

Who am I kidding? I laugh through this whole show. And then I cry when he wins at the end.

The Message
Don't eat ham, bacon, pork (especially not right now) or duck. Don't trust cats.

Toy Story -
I bought this DVD because I am a sucker and the guy at the Disney store said something about it going into a vault or something. Bah! I'd better buy it right now! It was worth it. I'd totally forgotten about the first one. (Did we own the second one or something? How come I remember that one so well?) Andy's toys come to life and Sheriff Woody is their "leader." UNTIL! A flashy new toy, Buzz Lightyear, shows up. Mayhem ensues. (Bonus! I just learned that there is a Toy Story 3 in the works, due summer of 2010. I might have to lift my Tom Hanks ban for it.)

Tee Hee Hee
Love the opening scene where Woody saves Bo Peep's "flock" from One-Eyed Bart (Mr. Potatohead). Andy plops Mr. Potatohead into his sister's crib and says, "You're going to jail! Say goodbye to the wife and tater tots."

Bo Peep to Woody, "Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away." Said as she's walking by some alphabet blocks.

Woody to the assembled staff, "Last month's Plastic Corrosion Awareness meeting was really great. We'd like to thank Mr. Spell for all his hard work."

The Message
Be nice to your toys because they are totally talking behind your back.

Stuart Little
Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Sorry I ever recorded it. Too weird. House as a bespeckled father of a smug mouse? I think not.

Not So Much
"Little high, little low!" "Little hey, little ho!" Did I already booo this show? Because BOOOOOOOO.
The Message
Never get your child interested in a puppet mouse and ridiculous humans who take care of him.

Starting Now

I hate it when people tell me I have to read something or I have to watch something. Unless that person knows me very well, that is. Since I know both of you very well, I'm going to tell you about one book you HAVE to read and one TV show you HAVE to watch.

Remember how you resolved to use your time more effectively and to really study the scriptures in 2009? Most likely you didn't get home from a mission recently, but don't let that stop you from buying the book, I'm Home, Now What?. The author happens to be my Dad, Robert E. Lee, a former mission president and current LDS Institute of Religion Director for ISU. He may not know how to fix a bicycle or camp without a hotel, but he definitely knows how to study the scriptures. Even better, he knows how to teach. In his book he applies the principles from the missionary study guide, Preach My Gospel (you can get it for cheap at any LDS Church distribution center) to life after the mission. Everything from managing money to scripture study to having an executible plan for day to day life. I'd read it even if I didn't know him. (Go here to order.) If you don't need it, get it for the recently returned missionary you know who is flailing around trying to figure out his/her life.

Next, the TV show. It's "Friday Night Lights." If you're done scoffing or rolling your eyes, I'll continue. FNL is in it's third season on NBC (on Friday night at 8:00, for all you smarty pantses out there). We started watching the first season by accident - if I had associated it with the movie I would have stopped watching immediately. The show follows the adventures of several high school students and the football coach and his family. And not CW-type adventures that don't happen in real life and make you want to home school your kids. (I'm talking to you, One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl.) The adults are the smart ones on this show. The coach, played by Kyle Chandler, and his wife, played by Connie Britton, are so believable that I wouldn't be surprised to see them eating dinner together at the local Applebee's (holy product placement, Batman).

My recommendation comes with a warning label: Skip season two. I can imagine some 20 year-old wizards coming into a script meeting and declaring that there needs to be a murder! There needs to be an affair between a junior in high school and the single mom next door! We need a holier-than-thou Christian who dates Logan from Gilmore Girls! No, they really didn't need any of those things. There goes a perfectly good show.

BUT! Season three is back up to great episodes that make me cry. In conclusion, go rent season one of Friday Night Lights, then skip season two, then wait for reruns of the current season. Or start watching right in the middle. If you have questions about any story lines that don't make sense because you missed season two, call me. Seriously. Do not watch season two of Friday Night Lights.

Also, is Allyn really the only one who can guess where Bridget's going? Don't y'all realize she wins everything? :)

The Straws That Broke This Camel's Back

We need to get out of our house. Sure we've been to Pocatello in the last seven months, but that's it. No offense to Pocatello (although she does tend to take things personally), but that's not a vacation. Mostly we've just been stuck in the house working. Don't get me wrong, it's a great place to be stuck. Brand new basement, TV, comfy couches, projects to work on. (Speaking of projects, this week I'm finishing everything in the guest room. This post is helping me procrastinate climbing up on the shelf in the closet to crouch in the fetal position and paint the corners of that closet. Don't be jealous.)

Last weekend we watched two really bad movies set in Vegas. As soon as the second one was over, I went into the office and planned a vacation to Not Vegas. Bah. I'd like to give you the low-down on these movies as a warning. You may do something more rash than going on vacation if you see them.

First we have '21' - the title refers to Blackjack, not the legal age for drinking, gambling, and general debauchery. A shy MIT student, Ben, is about to graduate and is hoping to get into Harvard Medical School. He is very poor and he can't afford to go without a scholarship, so he has applied for the Robinson Scholarship. He has two nerdy, jolly friends.

Ben answers one question in his math class taught by Professor Kevin Spacey and he is suddenly invited to join Spacey's Counting Cards Club. The other lackeys in this club are Cocky White Guy with Bad Hair, Token Asian Guy, Token Asian Girl, and Obviously Too Pretty to be Good at Math or Counting Girl. Spacey has to twist Ben's arm for exactly 30 seconds before Ben decides to potentially throw away his academic career, not find out if he got the Robinson Scholarship, and embark on an illegal adventure.

Spacey's team teaches Ben their elaborate card counting system and Ben abandons all his other studies to learn it. Part of the system is this really tricky signal they give each other to indicate that a table is "hot." The team member sitting at the "hot" table puts his/her hands behind his/her back AND LOOKS RIGHT AT THE GUY WHO IS ABOUT TO COME OVER AND HUSTLE THE TABLE. Dumb. I didn't have to be Laurence Fishburne or a computer or even a little bit smart to notice that signal.

Oh, btw, Laurence Fishburne has been trying to catch Kevin Spacey (who never participates in the card counting - he just takes 50% of whatever they win) for 30 years. Fishburne says to his partner at one point that he (Fishburne) doesn't count cards because he likes to be on the right side of the law. Not because he doesn't know how.

Ben is only playing until he gets the $300,000 (what the?!) he needs to go to Harvard. Since he is a genius, he's keeping his money behind a ceiling tile in his dorm room at MIT. Safety first. When the heat comes, Ben ends up getting beat down by Laurence Fishburne in a dark room. He returns to Boston to find that all his money is gone. The money behind the ceiling tile? I'm so surprised! Blah blah blah - Ben gets back into the group to "earn" the money back. He also convinces Spacey (in disguise, natch) to join them at the tables. For some reason Spacey doesn't catch on that he's being set up. After a lot of running through The Casino That Paid A Lot of Money to Advertise in This Movie, Spacey gets to the car with the bag of chips, which turns out to be a bag of chocolate coins and the driver of the car is Laurence Fishburne's partner. When Ben and the always believable Kate Bosworth (not) make it to the alley, Fishburne is there to take the real bag of chips from Ben because Fishburne is done being on the right side of the law. Starting right now. Then the MIT students walk through the casino in slow motion as Ben narrates what else happened to them (this is a real story, so it's okay - it didn't make the movie better, but it's okay). We see that Ben has invited his law-abiding nerd friends to join him in his Vegas life. Booo.

Next we have "Lucky You" with Eric Bana (the Hulk) as a gambler who doesn't know when to fold 'em. Drew Barrymore shows up so that Bana can steal her money, sleep with her, and steal her money again. Bana is trying to get into the World Series of Poker, but he can't seem to keep the $10,000 in his pocket long enough. His father, Robert Duvall, is also a compulsive gambler and every time he shows up at the same casino as Bana, Bana loses all his money immediately, so unnerved is he by his father's presence. At one point Bana has the $10,000 in his pocket and Duvall shows up at the diner where Bana and Barrymore are having coffee. Drew takes a phone call and leaves father and son to play a quick game of poker. Duvall ends up taking all of his son's money. What?

It's kind of okay because it brings us to the only (ONLY) enjoyable scene in the movie. Horatio Sands (of SNL) bets Bana $10,000 that Bana can't run five miles and play 18 holes of golf (getting a certain score I can't remember now) in under three hours. Awesome. Drew holds the stop watch and when Bana finishes the last hole in an amazing putt, she admits that the time is three hours and two seconds. Now Bana is $20,000 in the hole. He gets mad at Drew for not lying because he's great boyfriend material like that.

Of course Bana ends up at the World Series of Poker. I swear more than half of the movie is the World Series of Poker with all the real players making cameos. If I wanted to watch that, I'd be on a family vacation in Bear Lake in 2006 not able to leave the condo with a crying baby. Sheesh. Bo. Ring.

Bana and Drew end up together even though he has no personality and he steals her money. They cap the movie by having a conversation made up entirely of cliches.

These two movies had the same effect on me that the real Las Vegas does - I wanted to take a bath in my own bathroom and get Vegas off of me. Vacation here I come!

Some Enchanted Morning, Noon, And Evening

I didn't keep track of all the movies I watched in December and January. It was a lot. Rather than try to remember them all and do a review of each, I'm going to discuss the movie Enchanted. For some reason Bridget has become obsessed with Enchanted. She can barely sit through the Elmo segment of Sesame Street and I have yet to find a cartoon movie that will hold her interest for more than a few minutes, BUT she will watch Enchanted all day every day if I let her. Now that I've seen it 50 times I feel justified reviewing it. I don't think I've been qualified to review any movies before now since I only view movies once or twice.

First, I now find Patrick Dempsey attractive only when he isn't speaking. He has a very instructional tone of voice and he seems on the verge of an angry outburst all the time. In fact, if I were Giselle I would choose Prince Edward. Shocked? Maybe you need a side-by-side comparison.

Prince Edward can sing. Robert not only won't sing, he makes fun of Gisele and every street performer, bride and groom, and old person in Central Park who does sing. "Wait," you're thinking, "doesn't Robert sing in Gisele's ear at the ball?" Too little, too soft, too late. Prince Edward has a big, beautiful voice that he's not ashamed of. That's one for Edward.

You're probably worried about Prince Edward's ego. He always thinks Pip the Chipmunk is talking about him, he doesn't suspect Nathaniel of betraying him because he (Edward) is too busy checking his teeth. What about Robert? He uses the phrase "it's complicated." Only self-important people say that. And he's a divorce lawyer.

Both Edward and Robert go on a date with Giselle. The only "fun" Robert has is unscrewing the lid of the salt shaker and pretending to find it behind Giselle's ear. Magic? Really? Prince Edward goes to the Statue of Liberty with Giselle! He apparently won her several stuffed toys at some kind of carnival! He eats a hot dog from a street vendor! And he is eager to go to a ball with Giselle.

The thing that wins my heart, though, is when Edward is unsuccessful in awakening Giselle with "true love's kiss" he immediately suggests that Robert kiss her. Edward just wants Giselle to be happy. And he takes that wacky Nancy back to Andolasia, which is good for everyone. (And really, what is attractive about seeing your "true love," Robert, thrown around like a rag doll by a giant cartoon dragon?)

Back to the movie. The parts that stand out to Bridget are the old hag pushing Giselle down the well into New York City (always New York City - yawn) where there are no happily ever afters. (Bridgie always says, "She pushed her!") The other big one is that old homeless man stealing Giselle's crown. As you know, Bridget is pretty attached to her crown. No matter how many times she sees the movie, that part is always shocking.

The best exchange in the movie is:

Prince Edward: And who might you be?
Giselle: Giselle.
Prince Edward: AH! GISELLE! We shall be married in the morning!

My favorite scene and song is "The Happy Working Song" when all the real rats and pigeons join Giselle in cleaning Robert's filthy apartment (point Edward).
The most disturbing scene is when Giselle and Morgan go shopping. Giselle has said goodbye to Robert and Morgan, but she comes back to their apartment to get ready for the ball. Morgan is alone in her room (and apparently the apartment) when Giselle walks in (without a key in a doorman building). Morgan knows where Daddy Robert keeps his emergency gold credit card. The music starts and Morgan and Giselle spend thousands of dollars at very high-end stores for Giselle's night at the ball.

Dear Disney,
Why is a six year-old girl alone in her apartment? You totally had me with the cartoons becoming real people and the poison apples that don't hurt you if you touch them but can burn through a bike helmet and Giselle knowing all about cleaning and vacuums and soap scum but she suddenly thinks the bathroom is a magical place because water comes out of the shower head and two guys dressed up for a Renaissance Fair getting a room in a motel with no money. But a six year-old home alone? That's just dumb.

You'll notice I haven't said anything about the wicked queen. Meh. That's all been done in other Disney movies. She is the least interesting part of the movie.

As you can see, I'm a little cranky and this movie is beginning to lose me. Then again, it could be Barney...