Some Enchanted Morning, Noon, And Evening

I didn't keep track of all the movies I watched in December and January. It was a lot. Rather than try to remember them all and do a review of each, I'm going to discuss the movie Enchanted. For some reason Bridget has become obsessed with Enchanted. She can barely sit through the Elmo segment of Sesame Street and I have yet to find a cartoon movie that will hold her interest for more than a few minutes, BUT she will watch Enchanted all day every day if I let her. Now that I've seen it 50 times I feel justified reviewing it. I don't think I've been qualified to review any movies before now since I only view movies once or twice.

First, I now find Patrick Dempsey attractive only when he isn't speaking. He has a very instructional tone of voice and he seems on the verge of an angry outburst all the time. In fact, if I were Giselle I would choose Prince Edward. Shocked? Maybe you need a side-by-side comparison.

Prince Edward can sing. Robert not only won't sing, he makes fun of Gisele and every street performer, bride and groom, and old person in Central Park who does sing. "Wait," you're thinking, "doesn't Robert sing in Gisele's ear at the ball?" Too little, too soft, too late. Prince Edward has a big, beautiful voice that he's not ashamed of. That's one for Edward.

You're probably worried about Prince Edward's ego. He always thinks Pip the Chipmunk is talking about him, he doesn't suspect Nathaniel of betraying him because he (Edward) is too busy checking his teeth. What about Robert? He uses the phrase "it's complicated." Only self-important people say that. And he's a divorce lawyer.

Both Edward and Robert go on a date with Giselle. The only "fun" Robert has is unscrewing the lid of the salt shaker and pretending to find it behind Giselle's ear. Magic? Really? Prince Edward goes to the Statue of Liberty with Giselle! He apparently won her several stuffed toys at some kind of carnival! He eats a hot dog from a street vendor! And he is eager to go to a ball with Giselle.

The thing that wins my heart, though, is when Edward is unsuccessful in awakening Giselle with "true love's kiss" he immediately suggests that Robert kiss her. Edward just wants Giselle to be happy. And he takes that wacky Nancy back to Andolasia, which is good for everyone. (And really, what is attractive about seeing your "true love," Robert, thrown around like a rag doll by a giant cartoon dragon?)

Back to the movie. The parts that stand out to Bridget are the old hag pushing Giselle down the well into New York City (always New York City - yawn) where there are no happily ever afters. (Bridgie always says, "She pushed her!") The other big one is that old homeless man stealing Giselle's crown. As you know, Bridget is pretty attached to her crown. No matter how many times she sees the movie, that part is always shocking.

The best exchange in the movie is:

Prince Edward: And who might you be?
Giselle: Giselle.
Prince Edward: AH! GISELLE! We shall be married in the morning!

My favorite scene and song is "The Happy Working Song" when all the real rats and pigeons join Giselle in cleaning Robert's filthy apartment (point Edward).
The most disturbing scene is when Giselle and Morgan go shopping. Giselle has said goodbye to Robert and Morgan, but she comes back to their apartment to get ready for the ball. Morgan is alone in her room (and apparently the apartment) when Giselle walks in (without a key in a doorman building). Morgan knows where Daddy Robert keeps his emergency gold credit card. The music starts and Morgan and Giselle spend thousands of dollars at very high-end stores for Giselle's night at the ball.

Dear Disney,
Why is a six year-old girl alone in her apartment? You totally had me with the cartoons becoming real people and the poison apples that don't hurt you if you touch them but can burn through a bike helmet and Giselle knowing all about cleaning and vacuums and soap scum but she suddenly thinks the bathroom is a magical place because water comes out of the shower head and two guys dressed up for a Renaissance Fair getting a room in a motel with no money. But a six year-old home alone? That's just dumb.

You'll notice I haven't said anything about the wicked queen. Meh. That's all been done in other Disney movies. She is the least interesting part of the movie.

As you can see, I'm a little cranky and this movie is beginning to lose me. Then again, it could be Barney...